Are you like Peter and your storm is still raging, have you asked Jesus to help you walk on water? If the winds of doubt and fear have begun to whisper to you and you have begun to sink, cry out to Jesus. Reach for him. His hand is extended waiting for you.
Why is reaching for Jesus’ hand important in Peter’s walking on water? As he began to sink in the storm to reach up to Jesus, he had to re-center his focus on Jesus and not the storm around him.
There were several years that I was lost in the murkiness of my storm. You see all of my life I wanted to be a Mommy. It’s what I dream about, the sweet sounds of feet running through the house and laughter echoing through my ear. I had a plan. I was going to be just like every other woman in the world. I would get married and suddenly in the first year I would find myself expecting a sweet baby, a boy. But that didn’t happen the first year, the second year or even by the fifth year. I became lost in my grief of an empty womb. It affected every relationship that I had. I became with drawn, empty, lonely. As I trudged through this drenching storm, I had secluded myself. I was alone. Or at least the enemy whispered that to me daily. To be honest, at times I wondered why I was even on Earth. I slipped deeper and deeper into the darkness. Never did I readjust my focus. Through that pain I saw my first marriage completely fall apart and end. I learned some hard lessons.
When I met Paul in 2011 my hope for babies renewed. After all he had kids…maybe his fertility would rub off on me. Again, I had a plan. We would get married and I would suddenly find myself expecting. Again, that didn’t happen the first year, the second year or even by the fourth year. I had set myself up for the same pit fall. At the end of 2015, I could feel myself slipping down that dark, slippery slope. I found myself wondering into the murky darkness of my storm. My focus was still in the wrong place.
On December 31, 2015 I decided that I was done. I would never be a Mom and that I didn’t want to live in this darkness. I told God that if I wasn’t going to be a Mom, that he needed to remove the deep want in my soul for a baby. In January 2016, I took apart the nursery we had set up. I boxed up the clothing we had purchase and I put it all on Facebook for sale at what I thought was a great price. NO one wanted my things. So they sat in a closed up room. I moved on. I decided to be happy right were God had me. To appreciate ALL the time I had with Paul and our dogs. The want for a baby never left me but it no long consumed and controlled me. Somewhere in that I came to the full realization of God’s timing. If I rushed Him, if I forced opened doors that weren’t supposed to be open then my children, if I ever had them, would not be in the right place at the right time. You see God has a plan for them also. They have people to witness to and test to withstand themselves. So if I continued to force open a door then they would not be where they are supposed to be. So I cried out to Jesus and I reached for His hand, for the first time in my adult life, I was truly happy with where I was in life. 32 years old with an amazing husband, we had purchased a house and five acres, we had our dogs and I was content. I was content with the purpose I had to live; I was unconditionally loved by Paul and our dogs and had a house and plenty of land that need my attention.
BUT GOD! January 26, 2017 we suddenly found out we were expecting! It was a boy! Sweet Isaiah. Then again on December 18, 2018 we found out were expecting again! It’s a girl! Sweet Ily.
Who knows where I would be if I had stayed in that murkiness. When I finally decided to feel the pain, to mourn the fact that I may never be a Mom, God healed my brokenness and set me on a solid foundation. When I re-center my focus on Jesus and not the storm around me, my soul found a peace and happiness I had never known. The Lord put a new praise in my mouth and I learned to praise Him through the storms that life will inevitably throw at me.
Psalm 40:1-3 “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”
Cry out to Jesus today. Reach for His hand. Your waters are never so murky that He can’t find you. Put your trust in Him today, He will guide you through the storms, set your feet upon a firm foundation and give you a new song!
No comments:
Post a Comment